


Hold On To My Forgiveness

by CalamityK



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sad, i forgot niall i think, larry - Freeform, this will make you cry unless youre a heartless shrew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 18:54:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamityK/pseuds/CalamityK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forgiveness is just too permanent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On To My Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Im so sorry for this
> 
> im tommothetease on tumblr

"You hurt me once, and I'm not quite sure I can forgive you yet." Birds were chirping over head as a cold breeze wrapped its way around him. He tugged his collar up and tightened his scarf against the chill.  
  
"I still remember when you told me everything was going to be ok, with us. You broke that promise Harry." He could feel tear sliding down his cheeks, etching salty paths down his sunken features as his breath shuddered.  
  
"You told me we'd be best mates forever, you'd never leave me. Why'd you have to break that promise?" The only response to his question was the wind fluttering through some trees, rustling their branches and stirring up more cold. That's ok, he didn't expect a response.  
  
"Liam tells me I need to forgive you. He says I'll feel better if I stop holding everything in." He chuckles a little, it's a dry and bitter sound, and it mixes with his tears. "He calls me perpetually angry. Says if I get over it, maybe I can move on." Still no response, just the sound of leaves crunching underfoot. "I'll never move on you know. It'll always just be you. You ruined me for anyone else." He paused his steps, and was silent for a moment.  
  
"You broke me, Harry. I was nothing more than a clay pot, plain, yellowed, cracking. Then you picked me up one day, and you painted me bright colors; you filled my cracks and glued all my chips back into place." He paused to squeeze his eyes shut and stuff his numbing fingers into his pockets. "Then after you fixed me you smiled your brilliant smile and promised me the world. Maybe that's why it hurt so badly when you were the one to break me again. You smashed me right back against the concrete, when you broke me Harry." It was a beautiful metaphor for all the broken promises that lay between them. The largest, the most painful, being the promise of forever.   
  
He swallowed against the memories that played behind his closed eyelids. The flash of Harry's smile when he'd burst into their flat, overjoyed about something and just bursting to tell him. The memory of Harry's hands and the way they'd link perfectly with his, back when Harry's hands were still his to hold. He flung his eyes open at the waves of pain remembering caused. Fresh tears followed the paths of old as they fell to the ground, sliding off his face like rain off broken glass.   
  
He remembered the way Harry's voice sounded when he'd first said I love you. "Forever, Lou. You and me forever." It was deep; thick. It had slunk around him like warm satin; comfortable, warm, safe. He'd held the sound close to his heart, so, so close to his aching heart. Even now as he faced his memories head on, that memory still felt like home; like Harry.   
  
"You broke me Harry Styles, but I still love you with all my heart. Every little shard and fragment." He pulled a chain from his coat pocket, lacing it between his finger and letting the small paper airplane charm it held glint in the light of this harsh winter day.   
  
"Maybe that's why I can't forgive you for leaving me, because I still love you, and that forgiveness feels too final." He played with the charm letting it rest between his thumb and palm. Pressing it into the skin there, letting it leave indentations like his memories.  
  
"If I forgive you, I feel like I'll be letting go. Letting go of everything we were, everything we could've been. Everything we could've been if you could've have given me forever." He edged forward until he could kneel down closer to where Harry was. Clutching the necklace harder like it was a lifeline. In a way it was. It was all he had left.   
  
"Forever." He whispered it again as he traced his free fingers over the engravings on the stone he knelt before. It was gray and solemn, jutting up from the ground. An aching reminder that nothing is permanent, especially the fragility we call life.   
  
"Yes, you broke me Harry. You broke me and all your promises when you died and left me here to age and gray without you." He pressed his knees down harder into the grass.  
  
"That's part of what broke me, knowing I'd get to live this full life while you lay here in the ground. And I can't forgive you for dying just yet. I decided a long time ago that I'll hold on to my forgiveness until I see you next. Until I see your eyes light up and feel your arms around me." The thought made him smile through his tears. "I will see you again, Harry. That's my promise."  
  
He pressed the necklace to his lips and laid it on the edge of the gravestone. "That's one promise I believe we can keep."

**Author's Note:**

> still sorry


End file.
